The most agonizing part of life is the person who gave you the best memory turns into memory itself. We often find ourselves looking up I-lost-a-loved-one clubs on the internet while dealing with grief and pain, to find familiarity in the face of suffering. Losing a loved one is the biggest trauma anyone can ever experience. Grief is unforeseeable, no one is ever prepared to deal with it. There is no manual that one receives right after losing someone to death. The trickiest part is that no one comprehends what you are going through; the overwhelming surge of emotions take over your day-to-day activity.
No matter how many psychological research-backed remedies and cures we read about; dealing with grief is always a very individual and intimate situation for anyone subjected to it. Some bargain with God, some finds comfort in holding their tongue rather than opening up to others, and there comes those who try to coerce the five stages of grief in the period of mourning all at once.; There is no bulletproof universal method for healing, coping with death is so much more than just the loss, in the truest senses it is more about coping with change.
Most people turn to words for healing and restoration. There are so many articles, poems and books that provide enough space for readers to contemplate grief and heal accordingly. When people read, they go through a transition journey. Words complete a reader’s feelings wants and impulse. Every human from all walks of life deal with agony and loss. One of them are writers who take the help of grief to add potential to their fiction. We as readers connect to such experiences through words very strongly. Books that are written on grief can offer shelter and enlightenment to help you to live through misery. They remind you that you are not alone. Here are some titles for you to choose from and join the writer’s journey to healing and establish the link with the characters releasing emotions of mourning.
Whatever source of bibliotherapy you pick, it will remind you that we all are in this together, understanding ways to live our lives through pain and loss, Because, love is the only thing that never dies even if the person does.
How To Go On Living When Someone You Love Dies by Theresa A.Rando
When a person tries to understand the fundamentals of any process be it grief, they refer to the most basic. Rando takes an encyclopaedic approach in his writing, he breaks down the process of grief in a very effortless mode.
You will read it and understand that you are not crazy while living through this process of loss.
Theresa busts some common myths around grief like every loss is the same and grief never comes back full circle after it’s resolved.
The book provides a road map for anyone dealing with a loss of a loved one, it gives a clear outlook on what ‘grief work’ really is and how it affects your life.
Theresa explains in detail the differences in grief and how it changes a person depending on their relationship with the deceased. The most overwhelming part of the read is that this book serves guidance and wisdom on ways to mitigate misery.
The Year of Magical Thinking, by Joan Didion
John Gregory Dunne and Joan Didion witnessed the fall in the health of their daughter, Quintana around Christmas of 2003. Initially, they suspected that it was just mild flu. The flu turned into pneumonia, later a full sceptics shock. Quintana was put into an induced coma and placed on life support. Life took a drastic turn for the Dunness when on New Year’s Eve John suffered a massive attack. In seconds, the string, compatible partnership of more than 30 years came to an end. Four weeks later, the daughter pulled through.
A few months later, she underwent a long surgery for the cure of a massive hematoma. All these major life-changing events left Joan numb and looking for making sense in her life. This book is a clear depiction of grief. It will help you explore the intricacies of sorrow and joy. Joan writes about the death of the relationship with a person when they die and what follows days, weeks and months later. This read is compelling, raw and presents the brutally naked truth of misery.
Option B: Facing Adversity, Building Resilience, and Finding Joy by Sheryl Sandburg
Sandburg talks about the courage of facing loss that marks as a fundamental state in dealing with grief. This reason is enough to choose this book. She talks about resilience and how it’s not built-in people with time and circumstances, it is innate and people discover it to overcome obstacles and stop adversity.
The COO of Facebook, Sheryl finds a more meaningful direction for her career. That is her option B, she decides to make it her mission to bring people who she never knew close together in community and help them come over their grief. She talks about how she never realized the importance of the social platform for people who have dealt with bereavement and are looking for a way to connect with someone who is on the same page.
Tuesdays with Morrie by Mitch Albom
This thought-provoking book unconventionally talks about life and grief. There are so many times we wish to get a manual for living and leading a life with meaning attached to it. Tuesdays with Morrie was the guide for me. It shows the transition from different phases of life through the companionship of Morrie and Mitch.
Morrie Schwartz, Mitch Albom’s professor becomes his mentor and guide during his college years. Morrie introduced Mitch to philosophy and helped him understand the important lessons needed to go about life. They lost touch after Mitch’s graduation. Albom rediscovers Morrie, 15 years later with a distressing truth. Morrie is in the last stages of life, but the fact that he was Albom’s dear friend and mentor does not change their dynamics. He resumes his role as a teacher. Although, this time the teaching concerns more on life rather academics. Morrie meets Mitch every Tuesday and shares his experience of life and what he learned all through.
This book is as warm and comforting as a hot cup of coffee in freezing winters, it shares the beauty of an ideal relationship between a teacher and a student. What I loved about the book was the authenticity of the duo. They make a major impact on each other’s life. They become good friends and help the reader understand the beauty of a mentor and mentee.
At times, it may become a bit more overwhelming, some aspects of the book are difficult for the reader to comprehend. All and all this book talks about grief through beautiful fiction and works as a manual on life and death.
‘When Things Fall Apart’ by Pema Chodron
The uncertainty of life takes a toll on every person. Some small phases and situations are difficult to go through. Especially, grief. This part loss and pain is vast as an ocean and it is made of its micro phases. This book attends all these phases with utmost accuracy. There are chapters in the book with titles like “This very moment is the perfect teacher”, “Relax as it is”, “Intimacy with fear”, and “Three Methods of working with chaos” that are so enriching to read and works in ways with your thought process that you rarely experience.
Chodron talks about beauty in the uncertainty of life. There are so many whys and why not that we find answers to. We like to make plans and implement them accordingly. We like to know, change and control what comes into our life. Chodron discovers a Buddhist meditation teacher while dealing with her second divorce and starts her journey with spiritual healing. This journey resonates with every reader who has even remotely dealt with pain and loss of any form.
These are some sources and words of wisdom that would assist a person dealing with grief and loss. There are plenty more books for you to discover that would play an eminent role in guiding you in every phase of your life. Let us know which was your favourite guide for healing!
By Manjari Gupta
